steadfast:

5ummit:

me: *worries that I’m Evil and Manipulative and tries very hard every day to be a good person*

me: oh my god

me: I’m manipulating people into thinking I’m good

the-best-of-funny:

(Source: the-best-of-funny)

kirstenlouisemcduffie:

my dad had a skype interview today so he was sitting in the living room looking all professional in his suit and tie and everything while he’s talking to the people who are interviewing him. and OF COURSE my cat decided that she NEEDED to speak at that moment so she just starts meowing left and right and talking crazy talk to the point where the interviewers just start laughing because she just will NOT shut up. so my dad just kind of sighs, looks at the camera, and goes, “i’m so sorry. i have to ask my cat to leave.” and then he looks over at victoria and very calmly and professionally goes, “victoria, i’m afraid you’re being too loud, and i’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

and she did. she fucking turned and walked out of the living room.

(Source: kirstenmcduffie)

thehighladyelf:

divawithanunspoiledagenda:

yogurt-gun:

tin-pan-ali:

john mulaney’s dad looks about like how i imagined

‘you have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair’ 

“God can’t hear you.”

“One black coffee”

I don’t know about yall, but I know too much about this man’s life for this to the the first time I’ve ever seen a picture of him